Later that Day



Well, it's come to this again. I'm not blogging often enough and when I do, it's about not blogging often enough.



So, what's happening? I really hate that question because I don't know. I don't have an answer for anything anymore. I feel totally inarticulate. My brain is empty. I need some new stimulation, something new to do.



I'm frustrated at my career's state, or lack thereof. I can't seem to get any traction at my current employer and I can't find anywhere else that will take me. I need a class or someplace to go and learn something new.



Such as? More HTML, reload (warm up) my Java. Database stuff.

I have been away over the last couple weeks. Not in interest of completing this:


create your own visited states map but just to get away and kick back for awhile with my wife and our in-laws.

7 Minutes

I'm going to write this by midnight and then go to bed.



Anyway, I set out to learn to be a web developer a few years back, wanting to be in on the cool stuff. I know some rudimentary html but I can't figure out how to get the fucking comments to work on this thing. Other people get this stuff and can do it. Why can't I?



What can I learn tomorrow? A little bit and the next day? A Little more.



Baby steps, baby steps and soon we're walking and running.



Also I'm reading Desire of the Everlasting Hills by Thomas Cahill or listening to the audiobook on my commute and it's fascinating. I grew up in a Christian home and had lapsed out of my religion, but it's intriguing to learn the history of Christ and the early church in a full historical context.

On Religion

I'm an atheist, not an agnostic. I prefer certainty.

Oh my God, they killed.....



I have started out to update this thing a couple days ago and the system crashed. So here I am, trying once again.



Last week, we lost Kenny. Not that we really lost him, for he was already a lost cause. He was fighting with everyone at every turn.



One day, he came with a hammer-and-sickle t-shirt (lots of hyphenation there) and said, "Hey, look!! Do you agree?"



"It hasn't been demonstrated to work."



So we discussed it awhile. I gave up when he told me that Cuba would be okay if we'd only trade with them but that "Fidel knows what's best for his people".



In later weeks, he took to coming in more stoned than before, to the point where I noticed. When the bosses noticed, they'd ask me. Other team members noticed.



He managed to screw up enough to the point that he was on notice, written up and then called one Friday afternoon, 10 minutes before his shift began and told me he wouldn't make it in that day. Turned out that he had pissed off his girlfriend so much that she had left him and their daughter in Riverside and driven off in a rage. That put him on final notice.



As happens so often, he determined that he was a victim and not responsible for his actions and everyone was picking on him. A few days later, he came in early for his shift and futzed with the computer in the office for awhile. I had a 3:00 meeting for which he was to cover me.



3:00 PM and no show, he had disappeared. I got someone to cover me by 10 after 3 so I could hit the meeting.



Came out of the meeting to find he had made the rounds at 2:30, reeking of alcohol then gone out to smoke a joint.



No surprise that he is no longer among us.

We shouldn't be doing this



The other day at work, I ran into our specialty team leader in front of my seafood case. His name is Jeremy and he always calls me "Jefe' (pronounced "hay-fay") and I called him "Ron Jeremy."



He says, " I hear he's got a show now on the WB."



Eric, my ATL says, "Really."



Me: "Well nobody's watching the WB."



Jeremy: I think he plays a judge.



Jim (front end TL): A judge?



Jeremy: He's had the longest career of any man in the industry, since what, the seventies?



Eric: Well, Peter North, but he's also a producer.



Jeremy: That doesn't count.



Jeremy: You know, we shouldn't be having this conversation.

Friday Five





1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?

Survival.



2. What was your biggest disappointment?

Repeatedly getting turned down for better jobs.



3. What do you hope the new year brings?

Peace, a new president, a better career for me.



4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?



Run 2000 miles, learn more geek stuff, make more money, play guitar more often.



5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?

Spend it with friends.

Well, Merry Christmas



A career in retail, not exactly the stuff of Rimbaud or even Blue Oyster Cult (who pioneered the use of umlauts by Rock bands)



I always find myself taking stock this time of year and once again, I find myself falling short of my hopes and dreams. Even my most meager of aspirations has not been met. (Thanks W) Seriously, I often feel as though I am missing something that others take for granted. Like there is a key on their ring which I don't have.

My Life Obsession



I remain frustrated. I mean, I love my job and the company for which I work but I make around half of what I used to make, maybe 60% but nonetheless. I've tried to avail myself of opportunity to advance but have been rebuffed each time for a legitimate reason. I don't really resent the people that get the job but I am beginning to feel like its going to be my lot in life to fail or to stagnate. So I'm frustrated. I don't want to be throwing ice until I'm 50. I want to grow. I want to expand my mind. I want to be home on weekends or at least free. I want a desk job where I'm doing more geek stuff.



I mean, where is my life going? What kind of a career can I hope for?

Friday Five



1. List your five favorite beverages.

Boulevard Pale Ale

Virgil's Root Beer

Spring Water

Odwalla Green Stuff (I don't recall the Name) Superfood

Orange Juice with Soda Water



2. List your five favorite websites.

Slashdot

Lockergnome

Google News

Paul's Page

Amazon





3. List your five favorite snack foods.

Kettle Chips

Snickerdoodles

Bananas

Tortilla Chips

Mike and Ikes



4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.

Monopoly

Trivial Pursuit

Scrabble



5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games.

Tetris

Solitaire

Shisen-sho

I don't really play many games. I'm afraid of getting addicted.

Things I don't get. Part 1



Brand loyalty - I get buying the same thing all the time because you like it or it meets your needs. I mean, years ago, a friend told me about Scott tissue in the bathroom because it lasts a long time before you have to change the roll.

And I've converted Laurie to it. Fortunately, Costco sells it in like, 30 roll packages, so I can buy about 3 times a year.



I don't understand trumpeting the brand by purchasing and wearing the clothing with the brand logo on it or adding additional logos to your car or something. Like the pissing Calvin on the blue oval for Ford. I drive a 1995 Ford Ranger. It's been reliable; it meets my needs but I haven't made a pledge to Ford Motor Company. In fact, our next vehicle based on an assessment of our needs and the products available was a 2003 Toyota Matrix and I haven't added an additional Toyota logo to the window. They get enough advertising with their name on the damned thing.



I may drive a Chevrolet some day but I don't earn my living from them so I probably won't wear the Chevy bowtie on my person and I can't comprehend doing so. That's just me.

Okay, I'll see if I can get this Squawkbox thing working tomorrow



Father, it's been a week (9 days) since my last blog entry. I've had impure thoughts but not enough energy to get them going.



I've worked early mornings 5 days in a row, 7 out of the last 8. No wonder I'm so f#cking tired.



Chester is recovering nicely. My Prozac (or rather its generic equivalent) has finally arrived. I've failed in my most recent foray into the next echelon of my career and been rejected by my peers as their representative.



So it goes.

See if it's working Now



Like more Americans than actually voted for Bush, I use Prozac (or rather its generic equivalent). Due to the fact that I can't get an appointment with my doctor until January and I am running out. I've got an order in but they can't confirm it with my doctor.



Things could get interesting.

Maybe it'll work now.

I'm trying out this comment thingy.

Chismus LIst

Homer Lights

Buddy Holly

Buddy Christ

Joey Ramone

Some good CD/MP3 player for my truck

Oh, and world peace, too.

You can talk to me

Thoughts on Monday Morning



It heartens me to see Chester recovering from his knee surgery and I enjoy the short walks we're taking. Gives me time to think. Wanda Brussell once told me she did all her thinking while she washed dishes and when she moved into a house with a dishwasher, that was lost. So, when I take my dogs out by myself, it gives me a chance for reflection. I seem to do my best thinking then. Chester and I walk over to Harrison, about as far as Matt and Kelly Sue's apartment. He is the lord of the neighborhood.



Laurie mentioned a story about Joey Ramone getting a street named after him in NYC. I must go there someday. Whenever I think about Joey, it encourages me. I saw the Ramones back in 1978 at One Block West. I thought I would lose my hearing that night. They set up, it must have been 10 Marshall stacks and block chorded through 30 sub 3 minute songs. The melody came from feedback and overtones and Joey's sour voice.



On his last recording, Don't Worry About Me , Joey opens with "What a Wonderful World" and he sounds like he truly means it, even though he's dying of lymphoma. I hear the kids that work with me talk about punk-rock this and punk-rock that, meaning you've got to dissipate, have to die young, commit suicide, be nihilistic. And here comes Joey, singing about watching Maria Bartiromo on CNBC and living. And Paul Westerberg sings about getting older and smoking cigars. You CAN grow up and still rock and roll. I've got to go listen now.



You can talk to me

Friday Five

1. Do you like to shop? Why or why not?

Yes, but I hate spending money.



2. What was the last thing you purchased?

I bought a Christmas gift today for my niece and nephews.



3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why?

Online, for price. I like comparing the actual cost of something that's basically a commodity.



4. Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it?

Yes, it was based on doing chores.



5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing?

Some second rate cup of coffee. Anything in an airport.

You can talk to me

Good News

I woke up and turned on the radio this morning to the news that that Rev. Al Green has recorded his first secular album in years and the bits I heard sound great.



You can talk to me

Emptying the crap vacuum



Why is it that I can recite entire Monty Python routines that I've seen maybe twice?




Yet I can't manage the Java windowing toolkit.




Or the types and keywords.




Lyrics to songs I don't even like.




But not things I have to do every day.




Jerry Seinfeld routines and bits of shows.




Movie quotes.






We were discussing this phenomenon the other night at my Anne and Joe's (Anne's and Joe's? My brother-in-law and sister-in-law)and Joe introduced to me the theory of the Crap Vacuum. That is, the place in one's brain where the useless stuff goes and resides. Some people have large butts or thinning hair; I have a large crap vacuum, a veritable ShopVac for the small-penis set, The equivalent of a Hummer in vacuum. Some people are equipped with the equivalent of a Dustbuster or one of those gizmos you buy to get dust off your keyboard. For me, pop culture trash, no matter how stupid or insignificant, gets written to memory and saved right away to hard drive.



On our trip to Chicago Thursday night, my tiny little Swiss Army Knife turned up in my backpack. I must have just emptied my pockets into it when I got home. I make it a point to put all my pocket change in the front pocket before I head for the airport, along with my keys, thus simplifying my trip through the metal detectors at the airport. But in my haste to get out the door, I inadvertantly put my tiny little Swiss Army knife in the pocket. The security people looked for about 5 minutes and then found it.



"Oh."



I had the choice of checking my backpack or surrendering it or renting a locker to leave the thing in while we were gone or handing it to my co-conspirator outside the gate area, a person who didn't exist. So I surrendered it. It was imprinted with LewerMark, my former employer. One more piece of them is out of my life. Not that I wish them any ill. I chose to stay there for too long. But, it was a toxic environment for me. So long, Chuck.



You can talk to me