My life without drinking lasted for 2 months, until I felt like I actually wanted a beer, rather than "this is the time I would usually have a beer, so I'll have one". Fine distinction but one with which I am comfortable. I'm making some changes to my life gradually, shifting out of my comfort zone to make my self more comfortable.
Monday, September 12, 2011
So a couple of weeks ago, I gave up drinking. I don't know if its going to be for the rest of my life or a little while but I had gotten to the point where it just didn't appeal to me anymore. I was drinking some when we were in Estes Park, some good, very good beers, and it almost felt like a chore. I'm not sure what precipitated this feeling. I know it has been coming for awhile.
Part of it is my dietary switch to the Engine 2 diet awhile back that has helped me lose weight and makes me a lot more sensitive to the second and third beer I was drinking. Without all the carbs and grease in my system, the sauce just hit me a lot harder, leaving me feeling lousy and I don't want to do lousy anymore. I want to soar. I want to run and bike and ski and be at my best. So like Dean Wormer said, "Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life, son."
I talked to a co-worker who quit drinking and he is half my age. I didn't talk to him in depth about it. (Not that I'm capable of in-depth conversation about anything, with anybody, without squirming.) I did ask him if he attends AA meetings, though and he said, (I may misquote) "My problems are my own, I don't need to share them with anyone." Pretty much my sentiments, too. I've had more than 30 years of drinking and I may be done, now. I've really honestly never felt like it was doing me any good, though.
Sometimes, it's brought me out of my shell. My shell is thick. On the other hand, things that I've done under the influence, have made me feel ashamed. There was a time I was driving the wrong side of the highway and the only thing that saved me from being banned from driving was the then lax enforcement and a murder not too far from there at Kansas University Medical Center. Countless stupid drunken escapades and scrapes mark my life. I don't want to be that guy anymore.
So, I'm taking it one day at a time, like the cliche' goes but I think those days are behind me. The mystery that concerns me is what's ahead.